Sharing the Road - Roadmap for Conversation Skills (Part 3)

We promised more on conversational skills...

Once the student understands the visual template of the conversational road, with the Question and Comments on my side, and the Answers on his side of the road, I discuss how the "awkward silence" is there because he didn't yet take over the control-car.  I explain that, often well-meaning adults will fill in the awkwardness by asking endless questions. In my practice, most students recognize that this happens to them. They want to understand what can be done to avoid this, as it is not particularly enjoyable.  The next part of our intervention focuses on analyzing conversations which do not have awkward silences.  

I explain (or we watch film clips and analyze them together) that "good conversationalists" tend to have a sense of a balanced, fair conversation.  We start with the formula of each person engaging in one round each of Question, Answer, Comment-Question.  Although this is a basic, almost "formulaic" approach, it allows the student to learn a foundation upon which more complex and deep conversations can occur (conversations that include expansion and sharing deeper information.)  I find this initial step requires much practice, before the more nuanced work can begin.  We look at a basic, "good conversation" and analyze what is happening.  We discuss who is saying what, who is moving the conversation forward, who is "driving" and who is responding/going along for the ride.  

The initiator will ask a series of questions, and make polite comments for about three turns, then he/she just senses it is time to allow the other person to "take the wheel."  The clued-in conversational partner will often switch to the role of asking questions about the first person's interest, making comments.  For example:

A: How was your weekend?

     B: Good, I watched a great movie.

A: Cool, what was it?

    B: Captain America.

A: I saw that!  What was your favorite part?

    B: I really liked the fight scenes--the part where he saves his old friend was pretty cool.

A: Yeah, the special effects were awesome.  Who did you go with?

   B: John and Brian.

A: Sounds fun.

    B: Did you do anything fun this weekend?

A: Nah, not really.  I had to help my mom clean the basement.

    B: Man, that stinks.  How long did you have to help?

A: All day Saturday.  At least I earned some money helping.

    B: Seriously!  All I did was spend money this weekend.  Are you going to get to do something this weekend?

A: I don't have plans, you want to come over?  I got a cool new game.

    B: Yeah, let me ask my mom...I gotta go, talk to ya later.

A: Okay, see ya.

Questions
It is not unusual for students with social-pragmatic deficits to have difficulty asking questions when they are not truly interested in the topic at hand, and students with language impairments may find sentence formulation difficult, so we must practice these skills overtly.  We brainstorm and write down a list of Wh-questions:

who, what, when, where, why, how, how much, how many...

Then we extensively practice various questions that would keep our conversation/drive going in a common direction without whiplash and without closing the road.  We practice this on a variety of topics, such as past or future vacations, weeks, weekends, events etc.

Next week, I will share the next phase--going deeper by asking questions AND sharing.